Navespro.ru

Below is a copy of a letter that won a competition in UK as complaint letter of the year... This is a real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Cretins,
I have been an NTL customer since 9/7-01, when I signed up
for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.
During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of
service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as
ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me
to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your
professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties -
or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining
reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and
drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in
my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for
your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further
57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even
more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your
helpful website....HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few
minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and
highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two
weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of
vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks
later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone
calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had
requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours
between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am
still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my
mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred
to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also
highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows
whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut
off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been
redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is
closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been
redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several
other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at
least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also
another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend
to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to
voice my frustration's in print than to shout them at your unending
hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of
god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be
more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering
service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because,
well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore
was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and
disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You
are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the
highest order.

British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant
beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly
limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my
futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you.
I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort
payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and
catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be
greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by
derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small
deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an
expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your
pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become
desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time
of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did
not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider
them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its
worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life,
you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of
twats.

John

Вам это будет интересно!

Последние новости